My husband and I recently celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. We have both been married before, but this time we got it right. 🙂 It is one of those relationships that just gets better and better. The sort where we tend to know what each other is thinking, but we still manage to surprise each other.
Have you seen the movie, “The Matchmaker,” with Janeane Garofalo and David O’Hara (1997)? One of my favorite scenes is where Dermot, the Matchmaker, explains what makes a good relationship. He calls it the Relationship Pie, and it is love, sex, food, and having a laugh. 🙂 I love that chart. People think of the first three activities but not usually the fourth when they get married. And it is SO important.
My husband and I laugh every day . . . with each other, not at each other. He goes to chick flicks with me, and doesn’t mind when I avoid the violent or military movies (they make me cry). He didn’t mind going shopping with me this weekend (though I tend to shop for specific items, and am not really a “shopper”). Until this last year his hobby fit in one room (now a few boxes are stored in the garage). Neither one of us are great cooks, but neither are we bad cooks. And he doesn’t mind going out to eat. He helps with housework. He’s a pretty good listener, though I have learned to recognize when his eyes glaze over, and I bring the topic to a close. 🙂
It wasn’t perfect right from the start. I stepped on his feelings quite a few times in that first year. But we learned how to discuss things, and to talk about it when we disagreed. Very important. We agree about most things, and there are some we have agreed to disagree (and not talk) about (i.e. Leonard Peltier).
One of the best things about our relationship is that we accept each other just as we are. That means neither one of us is “perfect” (how boring that would be!), but we accept each other and perhaps love each other more because of that. It has allowed us to pursue personal goals and grow as individuals. It has allowed us to heal.